svnsettia

[for context, I started getting into making Littlest Pet Shop customs after the con last one. I'm 80% done with one and just started on a second.]

not to be shrill but i HATE how most toys are blind boxes (etc) now. this is probably one of the worst times to be a kid lol, not only are parents stupid and have youtube raise them, everything is expensive, but so many toys are basically glorified gambling. kids toys, fyi, not adult collectibles like tokidoki or labubu (i still hate that ugly shit…)

blah blah i know that blind bags and booster packs always existed. but it wasn’t the main form toys were sold. it wasn’t even this bad a decade ago, the mlp blind bags were fun because it was a side thing. after work i decided to see what LPS were in stock, and they were ALL blind boxes. i used to be into those zuru unicorn squad toys because my old job discounted them, but as soon as i got my favorite character i stopped and donated all my other ones to goodwill. but i kind of forget it existed until now because it was a short lived phase and there’s stupid ass axolotls and mini brands now.

this shit is just wasting money, gambling, and encourages scalping. and shoplifting but honestly this shit deserves to be stolen, it sucks!

the irony is that i got a blind box anyway because they’re $5 and i figured whoever is inside i’ll use as my next custom. and i got the rare one on my first try. but i don’t even like it.

alisx

🎵 All Time Low, “Tell Me I’m Alive“

Leave a comment.⁺

alisx

Okay. I know this is extremely "what were you doing at the Devil’s Sacrament" energy but the Homestuck pilot explicitly establishing it’s set in 2009, including the use of flip phones, and then having Rose use the term "pfp" is just

Leave a comment.⁺

alisx

Not gonna lie, as a videoclip enjoyer, I would just unironically put this on the TV and watch it all day . . .

. . . which okay I effectively ended up doing. So, thoughts:

The “watchability” of a novelty song is pretty directly correlated to your attachment to whatever original thing it’s riffing on and/or having encountered it as a child.
The UK really does punch above its weight here, for reasons you could probably do a whole dissertation on, but basically boil down to “publicly funded broadcasting.”
Way too much awful 80s whiteboi rap.
Watching “Do the Bartman” for the first time since I was a child just reminded me of when my school used to bleep the one single “damn” in it.
Similarly, watching “The Sunscreen Song” in my 40s when I last heard it in my teens sure is a thing.
And, finally, everyone in the 90s was doing so much fucking ecstasy, hey.

Leave a comment.⁺

disappointed_lesbian

I went back to my old late-night computer usage last night because yesterday afternoon's headache prevented me from finishing my flashcards earlier in the day. I then slept more than usual. I feel pretty good.

I might have slept a whole seven or eight hours if I hadn't woken up needing to pee. I know I had more sleep in me because I dozed off while procrastinating on going to the bathroom (and dreamt of a bear attack, which I woke up from before it got violent). Either I drink something at bedtime and wake up early to pee or I don't drink much and wake up dehydrated. There seems to be no third option, aside from moving some place more humid.

Yet another dietary experiment today: uncooked oats. Instead of cooking my usual 80 grams of rolled oats, I soaked 80 grams of steel cut (i.e., less processed) oats in soymilk, water, and applesauce overnight. This is something I've had before, so, hard as steel cut oats are, I knew it would be edible.

Come lunch time, I just heated it up, didn't cook it long enough to break down the grain. Had it with my usual fruit, nuts, and seeds, but I had less fruit to cut down on the carbs in the meal. No drowsiness afterwards. I waited a bit and then had my tofu sandwich. I finished that maybe ten minutes ago. No drowsiness.

The idea is that less processed food is less likely to put me in a food coma because it takes longer to digest. It seems to have worked. So I'll be having soaked steel cut oats instead of rolled oats from now on so that I can go back to eating two meals and two snacks per day.

Ok, I do feel slightly more drowsy now, but it's not a food coma; it's much like what I feel on a good day given my chronically insufficient sleep. What I can try is cutting out the bread from now on. I like having it for my snack anyhow, as a grilled vegan cheese sandwich.

My blood glucose sensor ended yesterday, but I haven't yet removed it from my arm. Apparently I can't just pull it out; I need the applicator I used to put it in. I mean I'm not going to try to pull it out with my hands anymore because it didn't seem easy to do and it started to hurt when I tried this morning.

Once again I've spent half the day wrangling with software on this laptop. It's truly amazing how much time I've wasted. OCR mis-identifies characters, so I tried to edit the pdf to remove the images and increase the font size. In the end I just printed straight from the textbook even though the font is a horror.

I decided that I'm just going to have to save up my benefits to move. I'm probably not going to find a job any time soon. This is going to be a depressing strategy because I get so little money that it'll take forever. I need money for a moving truck, application fees, a motel, storage, and cleaning service. I've never even moved from one apartment to another before; every other time I've moved, I came from homelessness. I feel depressed now just thinking about this.

I guess in the short term I can save up enough to stay a couple of weeks in Sacramento. Actually, that'll cost a fortune too. I seem to recall considering this strategy before, but my memory gets partially wiped by brain fog and pain.

Things take so long to change for me that my life is borderline hopeless. At my age, the difference between five years and never doesn't seem so great.

This is the point at which I force myself to go do something productive rather than wallowing in depression.

Once I finally took off the glucose sensor, my arm was so crusted over with blood and whatnot that I looked to see how bad my other arm is. The sensor left a dark circle there even though it's been gone for over two weeks. Same problem I have with the skin on my face. Every little thing leaves dark splotches.

When will I get tired of being alive. Not just fed up, but literally too fatigued to want to go on.

depressed

disappointed_lesbian

I stopped using the computer at seven pm last night, two hours earlier than I'd stopped the evening before. I didn't notice any difference; I was still drowsy at the same times and I still woke up earlier than usual. Falling asleep was less difficult than the night before, but still a bit more difficult than usual.

It sure would be shitty if this had no effect whatsoever on my sleep. Or a negative effect, if that's even possible. I need to try it for longer, but I plan to continue limiting screen time regardless because I feel more focused and productive when I'm off the computer. Well, during the time I'm not drowsy anyhow. I also feel motivated to be more productive throughout the day.

I bought another bag of walnuts. Ten bucks for half a pound. I guess life is too short to live without these nuts.

Suddenly I looked and felt slimmer again today. I don't know how or why this shit happens. Why do I seem to get thigh bloat?

My attempts to thicken my waist have failed. I don't know what to do, which exercises to use. Deadlifts would supposedly help, but they put too much muscle on the lower body, that's why I switched to rack pulls. Maybe I just need to lift heavier. I've been stuck at 160 lbs for a long time, and I don't expect to surpass that plateau any time soon.

Another migraine today, started right after lunch, no idea why. I tried to wait it out but it's worsened so I just took my medication for it. I'm not supposed to take more than two of these per month, and I've exceeded that in less than a week.

I have a persistent tickly, fluttery feeling just under my left knee, as if something is crawling underneath the skin.

Yesterday I changed my interest/availability in the state job application website to part-time only. There are effectively zero part-time state jobs, so I'm not expecting to get one, but, if one ever becomes available, I'll be ready for it. I've given up on trying to work full-time. I'm not going to kill myself trying to fit the full-time work mold.

My life is actually rather decent the way it is now, living in poverty; a lot of people, employed people, would probably kill to have my life. I have a stable home in a nice, safe town, enough food stamps to eat well, free healthcare, money left over for some cheap amusements, and the freedom to do what I want all day, every day. I don't have to do anything for this stuff but fill out paperwork. (Granted I had to be chronically homeless and I had to have signed part of my life away to the military to qualify for the housing voucher, but that's in the past and it wasn't too horrible). I have some semblance of tranquility in this life and I'm able to prioritize my health, somewhat unlike the people slaving away for forty+ hours per week. I'm not going to throw this away to try and likely fail to hold down a nine-to-five.

Yes I'm in this situation largely because of my health issues, but I'm not dying, my body isn't wasting away (on the contrary, it's in great shape from all the exercise I have the time/energy to engage in), and I'm not in agonizing pain. I still have the use of all my limbs and digits and senses. On the other side of the hill, where people have no control over their daily schedule, struggle to maintain their weight in sedentary jobs or risk injury in manual labor, lack time for hobbies and relationships, and suffer in traffic, the grass isn't greener over there for most of them.

For years I've been really indescribably disappointed in the government for denying me disability payments. Not just the denial, but the raw unfairness of the application process, has weighed on me heavily. But lately I have come to see that, effectively, the government is paying me disability in a way. It's just the local government rather than the federal government. Taxpayers are paying my rent, paying for my food, paying for my healthcare.

One way or another, disabled people get money in this state. If we can't find work and don't get disability, we end up a drain on various kinds of social services. We end up in emergency rooms way too often, the cops come out to deal with us more often, we're on food stamps and free healthcare programs instead of paying our own way. Taxpayer money builds our shelters and gives us hotel vouchers. The Department of Rehabilitation, a state agency, has spent thousands of dollars on me, and I'm still unemployed.

If only work could be split between us and the overworked employees. It's crazy that some people are chronically unemployed while others are working ten hour days. I would like taxpayers to know that it's in their best interest that we get some type of employment, because our living expenses are coming out of their wallets otherwise. We may go homeless, but the state won't let us starve to death or go without medical care at least.

Thinking about how grueling full-time work can be lately, there are some changes I'd like to see implemented for everyone: a full-time work day should be six hours, and employers should be required to make every effort to ensure that as many employees as possible have both sedentary and physical work tasks each day. In the case of the latter, there should of course be exceptions for people who cannot do much of one or the other for whatever reason. And it'll require a lot of restructuring of jobs because a lot of them are 100% sedentary or 100% manual labor. But the changes will be worth the health gains. It's insane and pointless for some people to get no exercise because they are chained to a desk, while people in construction and other trades destroy their bodies day after day.

For example, instead of hiring a secretary, construction companies can have laborers take turns answering the phones, faxing, etc. There can be incentives for cross-training employees, colleges should be refocused for training students to have both trade and office/scholarly skills. Productivity might take a dive, but the health of the workforce is more important.

And another thing: a full-time work day for people in high-stress occupations absolutely should be shorter than the standard work day. That goes for interns and residents as well. I was reading an article last week about medical residents being expected to work like 48-hour shifts?! Doctors have one of the most important and delicate jobs that exist, and they're expected to do it on no sleep? What a broken society this is.

thoughtful

alisx

A look into Rationalist cults. The main point of interest here is that the article is written by a self-identified “rat,” which means some of the underlying assumptions, jargon, and general weirdness inherent in Rationalism are glossed over in a way that I think gives the game away even more than the article text itself (I do love me an unreliable narrator) . . .

Leave a comment.⁺

dandylover1

(Catchup - 26 September 2025)
Dear Readers. For some odd reason, I never posted this to Dreamwidth! Fortunately, I found it today and can now share it with you. I have set the date to the original Reddit post. This whole thing keeps getting stranger!

( I Due Figaro, year unknown )

zenigotchas posting in

addme

Intro:
Hi my name is Mint Chocolate Chip but I also go by more sensible names like The Overlord of The Pasta as well. That is actually a childhood nickname given to me when I was 42...

I'm abt 25.... A zillenial/zoomer-millenial hybrid and no, I was not grown in a lab despite the rumors.

I post frequently and the blahg is a hybrid between personal/recovery stuff for my cptsd and interests and passions. I am many things, but aren't we all? Things I regularly think about and do (or at least TRY to engage with regularly) are reading, writing, comicking (I'm trying my hand at my own super robot series. It's very.... Me), indulging my musicphilia, lifting, animals (dinosaurs and evolutionary theory oh my!), smol chubby things (think pibbins as an example) and generally trying new things in these categories.

I will say my personality is Cheerfully dark or darkly cheerful. A lot of gross, creepy, weird things cheer me up, make me laugh or inspire me to do better. And I am a very easily amused person who really likes jokes, but my ideas of what's funny can be really odd or morbid. Like I thought the movie Tusk was just okay but had a very life affirming message about personhood. Ultimately, scary stuff registers to me as beautiful. Is it because it's so scary it's pretty? Or it's not scary at all? I don't think I'll ever know, but the closest equivalent I can think of is what gothic fiction describes as "the sublime."

How I try to live can be summed up by something I wrote on my blog recently that I will paraphrase here:
1. Death is the ultimate equalizer. If it won't matter after you're dead, it's not going to matter while you're alive.

2. Being yourself is the only way out.

3. Everything you know and love will pass and be forgotten one day. Including you. It's like we all get to keep special secrets from the next generations.

Likes: Metal, classical music, jazz, french house, horror, sci fi, surrealism, reading, philosophy, Friedrich Nietszche (did I spell that right?), superheroes, mecha/super robot (real robot is okay), violent stuff, birds, birds being dinosaurs, bones, medsci, dentalsci, psychology, flexibility, playfulness, puns, wordplay, spicy food, clowns, birds, dragons. A lot more but I'll be here all day if I list everything. Fandoms include Sonic, Mario, Getter Robo, Pokemon, Batman, Spawn, Godzilla, Street Fighter, Story of Seasons, Stardew Valley. Again, a lot of fandoms. That's not even all of them. Most of all, anything filled with cheese, hopium or grossness is what I love most.

Dislikes: The way a certain strain of nerds are like that, people who are mean to animals, country music, folk music, SOME types of pop music (I enjoy the genre but am not fond of certain pop artists who are currently big) AI """art,""" rigidity and inflexibility.

I'm working on being more interested than interesting and I like people of different backgrounds. I like swapping thoughts with people who share similar feels abt things + have good boundaries. I like independent personalities who like to laugh.

As a warning, I wouldn't describe my blog as gloomy but very honest. I am someone who likes having the ability to be articulate and say what I mean and mean what I say, mental illness be damned! So I WILL talk abt the hard times, when mental illness hurts and stuff like that.

There will ALWAYS be TWs, but I'm mentioning this bc I don't think I will be good match for people who find that stuff inherently depressing as I don't see it that way at all and don't want to repress how I talk for the comfort of others. I am going through some major changes in my life after a lot of personal tragedy, including but not limited to homelessness, and I want to feel free to share it honestly.

On interactions:
Just bc it's in my dislikes doesn't mean I dislike people who like what I don't. Unless you're into some sick shit, I will be interested in hearing your differing perspective and would be open to friendship or whatever other type of platonic relationship it evolves into. I'm not someone who is easily scandalized or put off by people.

Though I admit, remembering to write back or to be unafraid to be emotionally vulnerable is NOT always easy and I'm trying hard to get better at it.

I don't tolerate ableism or any abusive rhetoric towards the poor or homeless.

Going back to what I said earlier. Most shit we are told matters actually does not matter and that fits a lot of nerd drama/discourse well. I will never see lolisho or whatever else some people go to bat for as some free speech issue I am obligated to fight for, I think it's disgusting, I don't have to justify myself and I'm not interested in being converted (people have tried that before). Those are the types of people who I block liberally.

I do not add minors.

If you are mentally well, NOT white trash, monosexual, or are just curious, I ask you to please be open minded and to ask questions if you decide to follow and interact. I am like. A random bi religious lady who was raised and identifies strongly with the white trash thing. I can't tell you how EVERYONE who falls under this very niche overlap thinks and I don't intend to, but I think I can tell you an excellent story.

Anythin else?
I'm white trash.

I never got to finish highschool.

I don't post horny stuff but I'm not allergic to discussing media that portrays sexuality or discussing sexuality itself.

I don't post many graphic pictures or vids, but I do like media with graphic stuff in it.

I don't get political, as a personal boundary and way to make sure I stay respectful online. Please do not push me to share my beliefs. I do not mind if YOU get political (tho a journal all about politics isn't my bag), but I will only share my political stances if I feel comfortable doing so.

Evolution is the most important scientific fact for me. It is a driving factor in my decision making and personal worldviews. I like that people are monkeys. Don't you think that's hilarious? I love that birds are dinosaurs.

I'm bi. I was agnostic for most of my life but I like that I started practicing christianity as an adult. I don't see these as contradictory. I like theistic evolution. I read a lot of things I disagree with anyway bc it's good for the soul.

I am someone's whose definition of freedom is "I am allowed free to do or say what I like" rather than "I am free from the consequences of what I do or say." So speaking honestly and openly is more abt self improvement than just being a dick and then saying "Well I'm just being HONEST! You're violating my freedoms if you push back or block me!" It's about having uncomfortable conversations and realizing we don't know everything and we never will and that's just more reason to keep having conversations.

Add me! Or don't. I don't really care.

Perry Mason – Ozzy Osbourne

paperghost

I don't write much anymore, but here's the page I said was due today:

I Got a Letter From the President?!

A humorous and somber reflection of a funny childhood anecdote, and part of history.

(If any politically savvy types are wondering why I didn't cover the Whitewater controversy, it's because I had enough on my plate when it came to research and fact-checking.)

I also published a shitpost. Third and fourth draft are still in progress, and the promised review won't happen until whenever it actually airs.

alisx

Hearing a Youth pronounce it out loud as “ . . . eye-three-three-seven speak?” made my soul immediately leave my body from old age.

Leave a comment.⁺

alisx

🎮 FINAL FANTASY XIV Online (6,271 hours played)

Leave a comment.⁺

dandylover1

(Catchup - 26 September 2025)
Hello, Dear Readers. Today's entry is mostly about food. I have been having all sorts of wonderful culinary adventures with my new Prepology machines lately! Since this is all experimentation, I've been doing them with Mom. But once we figure things out, I will be making these things and more on my own.

Yesterday, I decided to make pork chops for lunch. I was originally going to have them with mashed potatoes, but I decided to create my own recipe. I have been doing this since I was at least ten, and I love thinking of new ideas and trying them out. After deciding against the mashed potatoes, I thought of maccaroni and cheese, but I had run out. Then, I found sticky rice that I had bought some time ago but never tried. So I used cream of mushroom soup as a gravy, added extra mushrooms, mixed in the sticky rice, and once that was done and I had cooked the pork chop, I added it all together. All I can say is wow! This will absolutely become a staple in my home! This time, I used canned versions, because it was a very sudden decision, but I might try fresh ones as well. Last night, for dinner, Mom decided to make me a cheeseburger in my grill. This time, it was all her. I think she's really starting to like it, which makes me laugh, as she normally hates cooking. The recipe was very simple, since this was a pre-made burger in the sense that she didn't use chop meat to shape it, etc. But she did add the onion and cheese and it was delicious.

This morning, we tried grilled cheese. I wasn't very impressed. As I told her, the cheese and butter were wrong. We'll have to change them next time, and perhaps keep it in a little bit longer so that the bread can become toasty. But it was still good enough to eat. One thing about me is that, if something is bad, I won't eat it. Fortunately, that hasn't happened yet. Dinner couldn't have been any more different. we made a fillet mignon and paired it with a potato pancake, and, of all things, a tiny bit of pork fried rice! Joanie brought home both. The rice was hers that she had left, and the potato pancake was one of several that she bought for me. I liked the seasoning that I chose for the steak (it was Tuscan) but it didn't really penetrate themeat. Oddly enough, though, when I had a piece of steak in my mouth and ate some of the rice, I loved the sweetness! So I told Mom that the next time we did this, I wanted to make it with teriyaki sauce, or whatever they used on their pork to make it so sweet and delicious. Usually, I don't like sauce on steak, but she said she has a glaze, and I can't wait to try it.

What really amazes me about these machines is the speed at which things cook! The steak was done in about two minutes, and the pork chop in about four (we did five but that was too long). Mom has been checking the meats, since I didn't order my talking thermometer, and all have been cooked properly. They say that meat loaf will take about five minutes. Both of us also want to try making lasagna, which fits in the same pan.

On a non-culinary note, I had to give up on the Opera subreddit. I tried everything in my power to resolve the issue, all to no avail. Today, I discovered that every single post and comment I had ever made to that subreddit had been removed. But when I go to the appeals page, it says I have nothing to appeal, since I am neither banned nor suspended. Anyway, I created my own subreddit for pre-1950's opera singers and the genre in general. I have posted my reviews and whatnot there, and will add new things as I think of them. It's all is coming along nicely. This is the old.reddit link, but of course, you can use the regular one as well or look for OldOpera. Please feel free to join if you wish and to promote it anywhere where it's appropriate to do so.

https://old.reddit.com/r/OldOpera/

disappointed_lesbian

At around six pm, I decreased the bluelight on my screen. I usually do that much later in the evening. It seemed like it did something because I was yawning shortly afterwards.

I stopped using the computer at about nine pm, had dinner, then left for my walk. I had a small dinner, and, as expected, no crushing drowsiness afterwards. I wonder why large meals cause drowsiness. Once I got home, I read for a bit instead of using the computer, which I normally do, but soon I was as drowsy as usual. I had my slice of bbq tofu and went to bed. Once I got into the bedclothes, I noticed that I still felt rather awake. A had more quick-dissolve melatonin, but falling asleep still took a bit longer than usual.

I woke up much earlier than usual this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, although I probably dozed a few times. The blackout curtains help with dozing more than they help with actual deep sleep. So for night number one of decreased screentime, no improvement in sleep.

My morning was as usual, I got up late in the morning and went for a walk. As of yesterday, however, I have a morsel to eat before going out. I had a few raisins today. As usual, I got back at noon and had lunch. I usually have fruit, nuts, seeds, oats with soymilk, and a tofu sandwich on rye. I had everything but the sandwich. I feel a little sleepy and slightly hungry still but, once again, no irresistible post-meal drowsiness.

So I've established that I cannot have large meals. Shitty. Well, it's nice to have these health breakthroughs at least. Maybe if there was more protein and fat in my meals, I could have them large. Carbs are more satisfying, though :(

I ran out of walnuts a few days ago, and it's been heartbreaking. One ounce per day would cost damn near forty dollars a month. They are just so good.

I need to transfer some of my study time offline so that I can avoid screen time. So instead of drilling my grammar sentence examples as digital flashcards (which I could never get through anyhow), I'm going to print out the sentences and read them along with the audio in the evenings, after computer time is over. I'm OCRing the PDF textbook now. Takes forever. These pages will be better reading practice than that reader I bought. I'm just not quite ready for it yet, too much new vocab.

My blood glucose sensor will end in two days, so I won't get much data corresponding with my new eating schedule. Now that I think about it, I had a migraine after dinner least night shortly after I started walking, something that usually happens when I try to walk after not eating enough. So I might not be able to continue with the small dinners. My body just won't let me lose any more weight.

I just gave myself a headache rushing to the library after eating too little for the midday meal a couple of hours ago. This shit never ends. So no walking except after dinner or before lunch? It makes no sense because I can walk right after I wake up, on an empty stomach, for hours, with no problem. Plus I usually lift weights + cycle just before my next meal, on a more or less empty stomach, with no problem. There's something about exercising just after a meal that must be the problem.

No, that's not it either. I have no headaches when I walk after a non-small meal. It's walking after a small meal or a missed meal. I can walk on an empty stomach first thing in the morning, but not in the afternoon or evening. So goddamned weird.

I got my Mandarin sentences printed at the library, but the text is too small to read comfortably, so I went through all that shit for a rather small payoff.

I'm trying to not take any more migraine meds; I just took a Rizatriptan last night after dinner. I didn't even feel hungry. I felt great. Until I noticed that my head had begun to hurt. And I had another pill two or three days ago because I needed to do something on the desktop, which is connected to the Migraine Monitor.

I'm trying to be off the computer come sundown. I was afraid I'd be unhappy with less computer time, but I'm looking forward to reading a novel and studying Mandarin on paper.

I gave myself a haircut today and I look so dapper. It's a pity other people probably don't think so. I'm supposed to be figuring out another way to get a date. I don't know what to do. Everything gets put on hold when I'm in pain. Oh I was supposed to find some alternative dating sites. There's kinda like zero chance I meet someone offline.

Flashcards are done for the day, so it's offline time. My head still hurts, so I'm not sorry.

weak

reeby10 posting in

pimpmethis

( You're about to view content that a community administrator has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

alisx

[B]ig business and the state have never had a clear dividing line; large firms are always chartered by the government for quasi-public purposes. We’ve just chosen since the 1980s to make that public purpose the enrichment of a few finance-oriented managers and technologies, and lied about it. But before that, we had a decentralized business apparatus, though big business was heavily regulated by the state through forms of public utility rule-making. As FDR put it in 1938, “The power of a few to manage the economic life of the nation must be diffused among the many or be transferred to the public and its democratically responsible government.” He wasn’t saying that to be nice. It was 1938, the alternative was fascism.

Matt Stoller on business vs. government.

Only tangentially related to the above, I think one of the things the Trump era has made abundantly clear about the whole “run the government like a business” shtick is just how fucking awfully run most businesses are. Even the profitable ones. Hell, especially the profitable ones.

Like, there’s definitely a temptation, because of who Trump is, to pretend that he’s an especially egregious example of Johnny C. Businessman but, uh. Not really? He’s more blatant about it — feels less of a need to trot out the usual apologetics and stories corporations tell about themselves — but that’s really about all. The underlying dysfunctions are the same. The mass hiring of unqualified lickspittles, the deranged and impractical top-down edicts, the failing up, the cults of personality, the blatant lying about basically everything . . . like, if you have worked in a business, you’ve seen all of these things in action, to one degree or another. They’re also, if you’ll note, exactly the same problems you get in, for example, absolute monarchies, the military,¹ failed states of all persuasions, and certain forms of community and religious organisations, which kinda of gives a clue to the real culprit here, i.e., authoritarianism, at least in its “small-a,” generic sense (and, also, the “big-a,” political science sense, since Authoritarianism is by definition authoritarian).

Like, don’t get me wrong. Modern forms of liberal democracy aren’t perfect. But they have been developed over centuries in specific opposition to authoritarian forms of social organisation, in their case absolute monarchies. The fact that the locus of authoritarianism in the modern world has mostly shifted from monarchs to capitalists, and that the theory has been lagging a bit behind the practice? Well. So it goes.

One of the things I don’t think gets enough play is that the modern military does a lot to try and temper the effects of authoritarianism in an organisation that pretty much has to be extremely hierarchical. If you’ve never really dealt with the military I think it’s easy to overlook this, but it’s something the modern professional officer class angsts about constantly; this is what all the stuff about honour and duty and service and whatever is actually supposed to be a counter to. And even then it still frequently goes wrong! ↩

Leave a comment.⁺

disappointed_lesbian

I sprang for vegan smoked gouda yesterday, so today's sandwich was extra delicious.

The pattern I've noticed from this month of blood glucose monitoring is that I experience symptoms just after meals, when my blood sugar is rising or just higher than what seems to be my baseline of around 80. These are symptoms that I associated with low blood sugar. When the monitor indicates that my blood sugar is low, I usually feel fine.

I wish I could eat one meal per day.

I updated my journal title. It's still true that The World is Full of Garbage, but most of it, the most serious of it, is the fault of men, so I sort of made the title more to the point. My gift to the world as a feminist is to tell the truth about the human male and warn womyn and girls when I can. I guess the title doesn't represent my journal content so well anymore. But it represents what's important to me much better.

I started feeling drowsy right after lunch. It's two hours later and I still feel drowsy.

Man or Bear? I'm guessing this is something that was going around on social media. It's explained in this blog post:

In short, non-men have been asked whether they would prefer to encounter a bear or a man while hiking alone in the woods. Most choose the bear.

https://blimix.dreamwidth.org/372844.html

Yep, bear for me. Would rather be mauled to death and/or eaten than sexually assaulted. I can't even deal with the r word. There are three possible outcomes in terms of danger: you get away safe, you get physically (and undoubtedly psychologically) harmed but survive, or you get killed. All three of those scenarios apply for both man and bear. But only the man adds the possibility of sexual assault to the last two options. And if the bear kills you, it's nothing personal.

The problem with this blog post is that people, the people being asked and the people being feared, are split up into groups that obscure the social dynamics of the situation: "non-men," "nonbinary folks," and women.

It's not that these men don't understand why women and nonbinary folks feel threatened by them.

Do male "nonbinary folks" feel threatened by men they meet in the woods while alone? They may be afraid of physical assault, murder, or robbery, but are they afraid of rape? Is anyone afraid of them, given that they supposedly aren't men? And who exactly are "men"? Given that "nonbinary folks" can refer to both male and female people, to whom does "men" refer? Who exactly is this group of people that everyone is so afraid of?

This is yet another illustration of why gender identity ideology is bullshit. The fact that male human beings commit far and away the most violence, and are therefore far and away the most feared, is hidden when people refer to others in terms of gender identities instead of sex. Not naming male human beings as the cause of all this fear is pro-patriarchy. Facilitating their hiding behind gender identities is pro-patriarchy.

Summer is over. I just noticed. It ended three days ago. Today is a beautiful autumn day. It looks like it's going to rain, but I doubt that it will.

I've been waiting like ten minutes for software to open up. So much of my life wasted on waiting.

I keep forgetting to handle my medical stuff. Next steps in the fight against chronic insomnia is trying L-tryptophan and getting checked for a sinus infection. Don't forget to make an appointment tomorrow goddamn you. It's like my life is ending prematurely: no job, no money, no prospects, no hope, health going to shit. I don't know why I even bothered applying for that state job. I can't handle it.

I've been doing a decent job of taking things day-by-day. Focusing on getting things done (I'm not too good at focusing on the positive). But where is this all going. At least I'm not in prison. Is that focusing on the positive?

I'm going back to eating every four hours. My body has been telling me that she cannot handle the large meals I've been having, and I've been ignoring her. Instead of going back to four meals and one snack, I'll try three meals and one snack. Not eating until noon seems to work out fine; I've just been eating too much. I always feel like stopping after my bowl of oatmeal, so that's what I'll do I guess. The sandwich I'll move to midday. Then a small dinner and my slice of tofu just before bed.

I feel weird today, like I had a mild mood swing at midday. It seems that I have been having hot flashes, they just don't feel like flashes and I don't get terribly hot. They sort of sneak up on me.

I'm going to go try to buy some L-tryptophan. That at least I can accomplish tonight. I have to go out early and shift everything around because I normally go out walking after the stores have closed.

No, first I'm going to try to decrease my screen time. I decrease the blue light in the evening, but maybe that's not enough. Maybe I should avoid looking at screens at all after dinner, or maybe after sunset. It's gonna be tough because I'll have to complete all my studying earlier in the day. I waste time browsing, so cutting down on that shouldn't be too difficult. Sleep is worth it. I have only thirty-six dollars in the bank and fourteen bucks left on my credit card. Avoiding buying more supplements is a good idea. I got the L-tryptophan idea from someone on the insomnia subreddit, and he also said that the stuff is converted to melatonin in the body. I don't know whether that's true, but, if it is, I'm better off relying on my body's melatonin, which I may be suppressing.

So I'm going to finally finish this blog post, exercise, shower, have dinner, finish my flashcards, and that'll be the end of my computer time for the day. I leave for a three-hour walk after dinner and then have only an hour back home before bedtime, plus I'm usually too drowsy to do anything during that hour, so I shouldn't be dying to fill in the time with more Internet. I have books, music, and my audio player to fill the time if I need something. I can do this; it's what I did before I had a computer. Before I started spending all day on the computer.

headachey

paperghost

So, I'm doing some last final research on an article I'm writing, and I just now discovered Dan Quayle's website? The layout is peak Web 1.0, but really charming. He may not have been a good Vice President from what I've read, but I guess I can hand him this...

alisx

“public domain for thee, copyright for me”

Paddy Carver sums up “AI” companies.

Leave a comment.⁺

paperghost

I lost interest in actively working on my site, but out of nowhere I have 3 drafts. One is my three year retrospective that I'm struggling with the end of. Second is a personal experience I have with one of our former Presidents, and it's due on the 26th. Third is a work of fiction. The order these will be published in will likely be Two -> Three -> One, but my main priority is the one due on Friday. It's pretty funny and somber due to the subject, I hope people like it.

I also promised that I would write a follow-up review for Hazbin Hotel season 2, which I am planning on doing. It just depends on my work schedule. Season 2 drops near the end of October, and I have convention lined up the week after that in November. I decided that I'm going to go out of the house at least once a month, and I'm not staying home in October to pirate Hazbin fucking Hotel (no offense). So my outing will ideally be early or mid-October. Hopefully work doesn't fuck me over.

Navigation

reading

x-post with additions

Music Monday

Sunday @ 8:46 pm

VTV.

Saving Up Nothing. Another Experiment

If disabled people can't find work, taxpayers pay for it

In the walls.

I Due Figaro, year unknown

Haven't done this in a while

I Got a Letter From the President?

I Got a Letter From the President?!

Friday @ 5:18 pm

Now Playing

New Culinary Adventures and a New Subreddit

Health Effects of Meal Size and Screen Time

celebrity20in20 Round 17

Dividing line.

Would You Rather Meet a Man or A Bear While Walking Alone in The Woods?

Dan Quayle

Thee and mee.

update

my tags

my posts