22W48NO27DE03

[svnsettia]

lea's weekly check-in ➛ november 27th - december 3rd

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

something good that happened is...

the first thing that came to mind was my class on tuesday. my professor knew that we were all stressed about finals, so he handed out papers and said we were doing a destressor activity. he gave us a few minutes to write a letter to ourselves about what we're thankful to ourselves for doing this semester. it was quite emotional, and i found myself getting teary-eyed because i've done so much for myself in just three months and i've never properly thanked myself for any of it.

something bad that happened is...

i had a meeting with my workplace's equivalent of HR to discuss a formal complaint that i made against one of my coworkers. that's what they told me the meeting was about, but they went way off script, asking me about my team's financial situation and then ambushing me by making me answer to a complaint made against me -- one that i wasn't even aware of before that. i reacted badly to the surprise and got defensive. i felt very angry too, because the complaint was about something i did six months ago, and the coworker who sent in the complaint has only worked with me for three months. clearly, she talked to other people to try and dig up as much past dirt on me as possible. the complaint that i made against her was barely addressed in that meeting, and i really felt like HR was taking her side. i know for a fact that her complaint about me was reactionary too, because i gave her a heads up when i sent mine in as to not have HR ambush her. that snake didn't give me the same decency, and it was cruel of HR to ambush me like that during a meeting that was supposed to be about something else.

i overcame the bad thing by...

this was difficult. i spent all of thursday brooding about what happened and didn't get any work done because of it. i cried on the phone with my friend, cried to my sister and mom in person, and then called a different friend and ranted to her (didn't cry!) and she helped me write an email to HR acknowledging my mistake from six months ago and apologizing for reacting defensively. i wrote in the email that the incident having been a whole six months ago is a testament to my improvement because i havent done anything like that since. my sister and i went to the mall that day, so it was nice to leave the house and at least try to take my mind off things. i think the most effective coping was the morning after when i finally opened up my "challenging extreme and unhelpful thinking" workbook and properly worked through it. in the future i hope that i'll hit the workbook earlier instead of brooding all day. HR responded to my email and said that neither i nor my coworker is in trouble, and that our conflicts are likely the result of a lack of training + our logistics coordinator's incompetence. it's true--there's a lot of financial stress right now and i'm still owed a thousand dollars. nobody is in trouble and none of this is about me or my rivalry with my coworker--HR said so themselves that they aren't invested in any of our petty drama. my other coworkers don't know about the complaint made against me, or about this meeting, so my good name has not been tainted by the complaint made against me. i need to remember these things so i don't fall into negative thinking traps. 

i'm proud of myself for...

as much suffering as it's caused me, i'm still proud of putting in that formal complaint. there are indeed a lot of financial and managerial problems that need to be dealt with in my workplace and i hate to be the one who burdened myself with fixing it all but goddamn does it need to be fixed! this'll make everything so much easier for the next generation of workers.   i'm proud of myself for making time to scrapbook even when i feel like i don't have any time to, and for downloading games on my phone to keep me off of social media. i've gotten back into the habit of bringing books on the bus so i'm on my phone less.

i'm grateful for...

the end of the semester, the "challenging extreme and unhelpful thinking" workbook that my friend gave me, my professor for doing that activity with us, and public libraries! i spent over three hrs studying there yesterday and took out three books!

what i want to accomplish next week...

i need to finish all my finals, of course. and i keep saying this over and over but i should start looking at the news again. i've been living under a rock the past few years because i hate the news but i think i need to finally get over that and start checking my news app at least a couple times per week. 

something i discovered:

some cool websites!

http://www.windows93.net/

http://www.cachemonet.com/

https://koalastothemax.com/

and the fact that i have to manually embed the links lol

something i started:

playing placid plastic duck simulator (100% recommend btw!!)
reading chosen for his desert throne by caitlin crews (definitely gonna be offensive in many ways)

something i finished:

reading no other man by shannon drake

(it was fine i guess. it's more misogynistic than it is racist, which surprised me. there's something about the problematic books that just grabs me. i think it helps me overcome my perfectionism & fight the little guy in my mind that's always trying to cancel me--a testament to having been raised on tumblr, right?)

let me know how your week was in the comments! you can copy one (or some) of these prompts or just summarize your week to me. thank you for reading, if you did! (۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶ i'll be back next week to do it all again lol